For many children, friendships are an important part of childhood. A friend can be someone to sit with at lunch, play a favorite game with, talk about a shared interest, or simply enjoy spending time with.
Children with autism spectrum disorder may want those connections too, but certain aspects of making friends can be challenging. Starting a conversation, joining a group, understanding social cues, or interacting in a busy environment may require additional support. Children may also have different preferences for how, where, and when they socialize.
For parents looking for guidance on helping a child with autism make friends, it is important to recognize that every child may approach friendship differently. Parents and caregivers can support the process by creating opportunities for their child to interact with others while respecting their child’s comfort level. Understanding your child’s interests, communication style, strengths, and individual needs can help you identify social experiences that are a good fit.
Why Making Friends Can Be Challenging for Children with Autism
Friendship involves many skills. Think about what happens when two children meet on a playground. One child may need to approach the other, recognize what they are doing, decide how to join, ask a question, wait for a response, and adjust based on the other child’s reaction.
For some children with autism, parts of that process may be difficult. They may have trouble starting conversations, taking turns, joining an activity, interpreting facial expressions, or recognizing when someone wants to change the subject. A child may also enjoy talking about a strong interest but need support with the back-and-forth nature of conversation.
The environment can also affect the experience. A noisy cafeteria, crowded birthday party, or unfamiliar playground can introduce sensory input that makes it harder to focus on connecting with another child. Social interaction itself may also require considerable energy for some children with autism, which can make breaks or shorter activities helpful.
Looking at the bigger picture can help parents understand what their child may need. A child who does not join a group right away may still be interested in connecting but need a different environment, more preparation, or another way to participate.
Start With Your Child’s Interests and Strengths
A great place to begin is to think about the things that make your child light up. Maybe they love dinosaurs, drawing, trains, animals, video games, music, or learning everything they can about a favorite subject. Those interests can become natural starting points for friendships.
When two children enjoy the same activity, there is less pressure to figure out what to do together. They can draw pictures, play a game, build something, or talk about their favorite characters. Shared activities can also take some pressure off conversation since children do not need to talk constantly to enjoy spending time together.
Pay attention to how your child likes to engage with those interests as well. One child may enjoy explaining everything they know about dinosaurs, while another may prefer quietly arranging dinosaur figures alongside someone else. Both can create opportunities for interaction.
Starting with something your child already enjoys can give them and another child a natural reason to interact. From there, you can think about the types of social experiences that may be a good fit.
Create Comfortable Opportunities to Connect
School clubs, recreational programs, library activities, classes, and community groups can give children opportunities to meet peers with similar interests. The setting can also influence how comfortable an interaction feels.
For example, a child who enjoys board games but is sensitive to loud noises may prefer inviting one classmate over to play instead of attending a crowded event. When planning social activities, consider:
- Starting with one child or a small group
- Choosing a familiar, quieter setting
- Keeping the first few activities short
- Preparing your child for who will be there and what to expect
- Having a quiet space or sensory support available
During the activity, follow your child’s cues. If they need a break, some space, or are ready to leave, respecting those boundaries can help make social experiences more comfortable and positive.
Practice Communication and Friendship Skills
As children spend more time around peers, they may also benefit from practicing some of the small interactions that help friendships develop. Depending on your child’s needs, you might practice how to:
- Greet another child or introduce themselves
- Ask to join a game or activity
- Suggest something to do together
- Take turns during play or conversation
- Ask another child about something they enjoy
- Ask for clarification or communicate when they need a break
Practice can happen while playing at home, spending time with siblings, or preparing for an upcoming activity. Roleplaying can also make an unfamiliar situation feel more familiar. If your child wants to play with someone at recess, you could practice a few ways to approach them. If they are going to a birthday party, you could talk through what they might do when they arrive.
Practicing ahead of time can make these interactions more familiar when similar situations come up with peers. It can also give parents a chance to answer questions or explain situations their child may not have encountered before.
Give Friendships Time to Develop
Even with opportunities to connect and skills to support those interactions, friendships usually take time. They grow as children spend time together and become more familiar with each other.
Seeing the same peers regularly can help. As children spend more time around one another, someone who was unfamiliar can gradually become a familiar face. Those repeated interactions can also give children more chances to discover what they enjoy doing together and become familiar with each other’s communication styles.
If your child enjoys spending time with another child, you can help create another opportunity for them to connect. That might mean arranging another playdate, meeting at a park, or suggesting an activity they both enjoy. Repeated positive experiences can create a foundation for lasting friendships.
Of course, there will probably be awkward moments too. Someone may misunderstand what another person means, or a child may ask to play and hear “not right now.” These experiences are part of relationships and can create opportunities to talk about what happened and what your child might try next. Parents can offer guidance while still giving children room to work through everyday ups and downs with their peers.
It can also help to remember that not every interaction needs to become a friendship. Like anyone else, children may connect naturally with some peers and not with others.
Try to recognize progress without comparing your child’s social life with someone else’s. One child may enjoy a large group of friends, while another may prefer one close friend or shorter periods of social interaction. The number of friends is less important than having relationships your child enjoys.
How Autism Therapy Can Support Friendship Skills
Children develop friendship skills in different ways, and some may benefit from additional support based on their individual needs. Different types of autism therapy can address skills involved in communicating and interacting with peers.
ABA Therapy
Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy can help children work on skills that may support interactions with peers. Depending on the child’s goals, that could include greetings, turn-taking, sharing, initiating an interaction, asking for help, or participating in play.
Speech-Language Therapy
Speech-language therapy can support communication skills used in relationships, including starting and maintaining conversations, asking and answering questions, expressing ideas, understanding language, or using an AAC system or another form of communication.
Occupational Therapy
Occupational therapy may help when sensory or functional needs affect a child’s ability to participate comfortably in social activities. For example, children who become overwhelmed in certain environments may benefit from strategies that support participation in everyday settings.
At BY YOUR SIDE Autism Therapy Services, we take a multidisciplinary approach to autism therapy that supports children and their families. Our therapists can address different areas of development while parents, caregivers, teachers, and clinicians share observations about where a child feels comfortable, which interactions are challenging, and which skills may need additional practice.
Therapy cannot create a friendship, but it can help children develop skills they can use when playing, communicating, and spending time with peers.
Helping Your Child Build Meaningful Connections
Every child develops friendships in their own way. Parents can support those relationships by creating opportunities to connect without forcing them and paying attention to the interactions their child enjoys.
As your child meets new people and spends more time with peers, their interests, preferences, and experiences can help guide the support you provide. For some children, additional support with communication, social interaction, or sensory needs can also help them feel more prepared for everyday interactions with peers.
At BYS, we work with children and families on individualized goals through a range of autism services. If your child could benefit from this type of support, contact us today to learn more about how our team can support your family.
